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Opinion: Too much focus on women becoming wives and not enough focus on men becoming husbands

Updated: Apr 29, 2023

"Marriage" by Pereanu Sebastian on unsplash

Although we live in a busy world, it always finds time to tell women what to do and when to do it. Since they are very young, women are taught by their parents how to become good wives for the future. This can happen directly or indirectly, and, when a woman reaches a certain age, people around her always wonder when she’s going to get married or why she’s still single.

Many cultures have strong patriarchal ideologies, and, instead of teaching girls how to become independent and successful in life, they focus more on telling women what they can or cannot do. Instead of reinforcing both men and women to accomplish their dreams as individuals, women are often told that they should aim to become someone’s wife regardless of how their husband treats them.

I have never thought of marriage as a controversial thing, but writing this made me realize that marriage, as many other things in this world, is just an institution. It can be perceived in any way and there will never be a “correct” way of seeing it.

Some people get married because that is what they think they should do. Other people get married because they thought they found love. Others get married because of their financial situation, and others do not want to get married at all.

I always wanted to think that marriage was an institution created so that people who are in love and are economically stable get a chance to build a life together, but history has taught me that marriage is an institutional solution to many man-made societal issues. For example, in some parts of the world, parents want their kids to get married to avoid having single parents in their families. That’s it. They do not care if their daughters are old enough to get married, or if the husbands will be kind to their wives.

Unfortunately, this is a sad truth in many places around the world, and, because they do not know other lifestyles, women just accept it. In today’s society, there are many cases of single mothers who get impregnated by men who decide they do not want to take care of their kids and disappear.

In a way, it is understandable why people will not want their female relatives to go through that, but why are men not taught how to become good husbands and fathers? All the lectures and lessons go to little and teenage girls on how they should avoid dangerous-looking men or not party because men are not trustworthy.

Women are also taught to only wait for the “one”, but no one spends time teaching men how to become decent husbands for the wives and good fathers for their kids. It is expected from women to be excellent in every field (household wise), but at the same time they do not have the same opportunities and freedom as men do.

Men spend half of their lives doing whatever pleases them without any repercussions, but women would be harshly criticized if they dared to do whatever they wish. It is the double standard that disappoints me and wishes for society to improve.

- Catalina Bibang , staff writer

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